Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Call for help

I'm silently sitting here wandering why I do not feel
sorry for myself or anyone else in this world.
My mind is just floating around and around to no
avail in finding a place where I could certainly
go and do something worthwhile.
Do I hear little hammers in my head?
how can anyone live day in day out with such a
noise, is inconceivable to me.
Is there a way to stop that drumming without
playing around with one's sanity.
I read about it,
I listen about it.
I argue about it.
I run away from it.
Until I stop and it reaches me again,
almost mad at me for running away from it.
This is well hidden to the eyes of the world,
no one really believes me when I act strange
or stop acting altogether.
Society is a funny group of animals ready to
pounce on you if you are not like them.
I have an ordinary life on certain days and
atrocious days when I can't manage my brain.
I found solace in a tiny bird who settled
his nest right under my window, every day
I look at his struggles for survival against
predators like squirrels, bigger birds, the
lonely wandering cat, the dog that keeps
running and then backs away, and all this is
for his offspring who can't even fly yet.
He's very courageous in protecting his
environment and is always on guard even
against me who keep spying on his everyday
life. So know I learned that if I want to stop
the drumming, I have to stand up and stop
the drummer from beating those drums -
that drummer is ME and only me can come
out of it and with the help of the next bird family
that will come and live in the empty nest at
the bottom of my window.

NB: I tried to put myself in the head of a person
who might or might not admit that they have
a mental condition, so if this can help in anyway
I'm happy for the person, plus just ask for help.   

One after another

Is it possible that the earth keeps on
shaking always at the same place!
For one who has experienced an
extremely mild tremor, I do not know
what it feels like to see everything
crumbling around you.
If you are young and in decent health
you can always run to try to shelter
yourself.  If my memory is right, we
(children) were told to hide under a
table, a door frame, or just get the hell
out as fast as you are able to do it.
But in life not everyone can run, crawl
or even protect themselves from the
wrath of nature. When it hits, you
tend to loose your balance, panic
settle in you and as such you loose
all the control and knowledge that was
instilled in you.  I do not wish these
types of experiences on anyone, but
then life is not always what we would
like to be....
I do not know how to pray anymore,
but maybe if I could, I would go and
offer my help in any type or manner
possible.  To give money - is to throw
it to the wind, better give it to the
people themselves who know exactly
what help they need.  I have seen cases
where crates of clothes, food & water
opened by those who had to transport
it to these people, took out what they
wanted, re-closed the crates and send it
out without those goods.
No way, because had there been a "spirit,
lord, or whatever you want to call it"
he/it would have not permitted such a
breakdown of human love for one's
brother, sister or family.......

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Blank of memory

Is it possible to be able to write in one
language on not another ....

At times one word will escalate into a
myriad of phrases and your mind works
overtime.  Then there is times when you
keep looking at the empty white sheet or
in this case screen and wandering what
is going on.
A look, a taught, a sound will trigger such
a great passion in a person that it might be
just as well that nothing is coming to me.
I have started to be an hermite and fear the
cold, the snow, the slush, the icy patch
that can send me on the ground and land in
a dirty, infected emergency room, where one
goes in and don't know if you will come out
safe and sound from the mega attacks of
So please bear with me for a while and maybe
in the near feature my brain will start a new
gear of adventures and love stories.
Thank you.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Another hug

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to Heaven
And bring you back
I have tried many times to no
avail. Maybe it's me who
can't find a stairway in my
present confusion...
I did find a friend of snow
waiting for me to hug him
before he melted away.
My hug was warm but his
body was cold, so the sky
decided to separate us once
again.  A fine rain fell,
I had to leave you friend,
as I turned my body around
to wave you one last time,
you had already gone to your world.
OK I have quite a bit of time
to make you up again for just
another hug to you......

Thursday, December 29, 2016

What a Santa this year....

Hi Friends I had the best visit from Santa this year.
I got my desktop pc back, boy did I miss it!
But my greatest gift came from an e-mail that
I received on the 25th from a friend that I had not
heard in the past year.  I did not want to disturb
due to some serious problems this person had.
So you can just imagined my joy when I managed
to finally set up my pc and open the e-mails.
I felt like an happy scrooge (since I did not
contact the person for the year) but what a joy....
Now I want to thank all the e-mails I received
with suggestions, ideas, good wishes for my
old friend desktop computer recovery.  I guess
now that we changed a few (50%) of it's components
and put in my windows 10, I should be OK for 
quite a while.
Thanks also to the people who come and read or
just look at what I try to write down just as it
comes out of my head with no retouching. 
Thank you FRIENDS for supporting me and at
times my unorthodox writing.   

Friday, December 16, 2016

Like a fool

There is no fool like the old fool.
From the look of my pc (very old)
but well kept, I found that I need
to scrap it.
I taught I was very smart and immune
to the world, but little did I know that
I would become part of the statics
YES my computer has died of old age
and now I need to runaround in the
madness of the holidays to rebuild my
computer from scratch.
So this is hopefully not the last message
that I will post here, but just in case
let me WISH ALL A:

"Happy Holidays".

Please come back and check in a few days.

Monday, December 12, 2016

Lost generation

I feel most fortunate to have left a few generation
behind me.
A generation where a woman was less than dirt,
at the mercy of their family and later on of their
spouse.  I do understand that poverty, sickness,
mountains of children mouth to feed was a burden
on some people.  Lucky that the generation before
mine decided to leave behind, houses (if we can
call them that), livestock, parents and their beloved
country, not knowing what lay ahead of them.
At one point only men left for the new world,
leaving behind their young families, their young
wives, their aging parents for a piece of bread
less to feed had they stayed.  For sure no social
help was available having just came out of a war,
just or unjust it was a war just the same and many
lost their lives for the love of their nation.  Where
they brainwashed? why kill and fight an enemy
that you have never seen or heard before.  For the
idealist politician, the incredulous youngster or the
religious individual who believed in all kinds of
ideas, at times invented by leaders to amass a
greater fortune for them and their similar, but
surely not for the population who suffered the
consequences of such actions.
I pray (a word almost meaningless at this point)
and hope for anyone who went through that period
not to see it again in their life time, we lost already
too many generations of humans to loose more in
the future..... 

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Do I judge or not...

One of these two gentlemen is my grandfather.
I have never knew his face or his faith.
Why did he marry my grandmother who was
not from the same town and much, but much
younger than him, gave her seven children out
of which only three lived, I'll never know.
I'm not a young girl or woman, I have grown
children who are themselves parents, my own
parents are not in this world anymore and out
of the blues I found this photo, behind was the
name of the man I should have called grandfather,
but I never did, nor did my own father,
or was he knowledgeable about the existence
of this photo. Sure we can't make out the
features but I'm my guts feeling tells me that
it is the stronger and taller man.  He looks
proud and poor, he was an adventurer in his
time, just like some of his grandchildren of
today.  Poor grandmother who could not count
on his support to raise their family.  Why did
you do what you did in your short life.  Oh
yes he was fairly young when he passed away,
from what or how no one would tell me.
I had the right to know about this man, a right
that was to me denied and until I'm on this
earth I will continue to wonder and question
myself, try to remember what little that I was told.
Do I have the right to probe his life, or should I
just let the dead keep their secrets with them in
their graves.  I do not even have that pleasure
to stand in front of a grave and contemplate
his life, since in my country, after 20 years a
person is dead, their remains are taken out of
the grave and disposed off in a commune, that
today after more than 110 years  I would not even
find a death certificate (archives destructed from
an earthquake), my grandmother is gone along
with her 3 children who I'm sure kept their
secret while alive and even now in death.  I will
keep on fantasizing for the man that I love in my
own way......

shhhhhh. just listen